WHAT DO WE VALUE MORE – Blaming Others or Finding a Solution?

WHAT DO WE VALUE MORE – Blaming Others or Finding a Solution?

In a world where we all want solutions, why are people so focused on blaming others? This article may change your entire outlook on life.

Just think of how much faster we could get things done, if we put the blame to one side. Accepted the situation for what it is. And focused on finding a solution.

Is that even possible? Would your mind and social conditioning even allow you to do that?

Blaming Others

I’ve come up with a formulae for blame:

Accountabilty + Shame = BLAME

We live in a society whereby we are addicted to blaming others.

Something magical happens when we blame someone else.

That magic is that we reassure ourselves that we know better and not only that but:

  • To say we are not incompetent, someone else is.
  • And we are not stupid, someone else is.
  • Nor are we are not lazy, someone else is.
  • We should not feel bad, someone else should

Most importantly if someone else is to blame well then you are definitely not to blame and that puts you in the clear. No emotional baggage for me.

Nothing to fix, I’m already perfect. I should just keep going on with the way I am because clearly, my actions don’t lead to me getting blamed.

Avoiding Discomfort at All Costs

Blame leads to discomfort and for some reason, discomfort, even slight discomfort is something people will turn themselves inside out to avoid.

Honestly, the hilarity of things that take place in order to avoid feeling discomfort, makes for some of the world’s best comedy and most creative excuses.

We will think up of all sorts of brilliant reasons why we can’t see someone. Instead of the truth which is often:

I’m just not that interested. I could not be bothered meeting you for coffee.

Ok a bit harsh, what would be closer to the truth is:

You’re not on my list of priorities today. I value other things greater than meeting you for a coffee (such as watching TV all day).

Remember the above statement. It’s refreshingly honest.

Instead of being honest, we’ll twist and squirm out of things by going to the old reliables:

  • I’m so busy today
  • Money’s a bit tight
  • I’d love to but (fill in the blank)

There is that part of us that believes blaming others makes the world or workplace better. Some people will convince themselves that they are doing it for the greater good.

It puts us on a higher platform as we become a beacon of hope and light to those around us (in our own heads of course, not in reality)

But let me bring you to the typical setup of the nagging partner in a couple.

Does the nagging member of the couple really do anything to improve the relationship?

Does the constant condemnation, blaming, and chastising ever really improve the relationship???

More often than not, this tactic creates resentment and leads to poorer performance. Whether it’s in the workplace, the world, or our own personal relationships, it’s destructive behavior.

The blamer becomes conditioned to constantly look for things to blame and the person being blamed is constantly focusing on ways they can mess up.

The above makes for another codependent, dysfunctional relationship, and round and round they go “till death do them part”.

This is why some people think their managers are absolute pricks and these managers think they have to be pricks because their staff is so incompetent. Round and round they go, until one of them actually does go!

Neither of them realizes that they are both responsible for creating this scenario. Neither of them is better than the other.

Ubuntu Philosophy

It reminds of an African term – Ubuntu. Roughly explained – there is no me without we.

Ultimately this means your circumstances cannot exist without everyone else and everyone else can’t exist without you. You are one and the same.

When you induce shame, guilt or blame you are inducing those same feelings on another part of yourself.

We can’t get away from this Ubuntu, this African philosophy teaches us that it is a reality of life.

Let’s put it another way, we don’t win unless we all win.

We spend a lot of time and energy blaming others and it’s totally ingrained in us not just on a personal level but on a societal level as well.

Law and order play such an essential part in our lives. We’re governed by it.

We seek to blame others for their actions.

Penalizing people, holding them accountable, and even putting them in prison plays such a key part in our lives.

Is it effective?

Well, in prisons we have a serious problem with repeat offenders, which would imply it may not be that effective.

Let’s take a closer look a bit closer to home!

The bold children are always bold. In school, the same people are getting punished over and over again. The same faces in detention every week with a few new ones scattered among them.

If it doesn’t work as children and it doesn’t work in adolescence then why do we insist on bringing this behavior into our adulthood?

Have I got a solution to all of this other than blaming others?

No, I certainly don’t, but I do want to attempt to shift your focus and consider the possibility of moving your focus from blaming others to finding a solution.

I’m not saying this is THE way, I’m saying this is an option.

What would happen if we just put this pattern of thinking to one side?

Perhaps it’s not the pattern we need to put one side, perhaps it is our egos we need to put to one side.

Just imagine a world where people are not in fear of being blamed or of being judged when they make a mistake.

But instead, they live in the light of knowing that whenever they make a mistake it is a growing opportunity to improve, to resolve, to transcend the old way of thinking that will elevate them to greater heights.

Can you imagine a culture whereby mistakes were accepted and used as launching pads to propel us to greatness?

Imagine how different the 2020 presidential election between Trump and Biden would be if the candidates did not spend the majority of their time blaming the other candidate for the downfalls of the nation.

They might get something done!

Isn’t that better than living in a world whereby the only thing people learn from their mistakes is that they have a new reason to feel bad about themselves, taking the blame, feeling guilty, worthless, and inadequate?

I don’t know about you, but I know which world I want to live in.

This is why in my place of work I always make a conscious choice not to take the easy option and blame others for mistakes. But instead to look at the situation and aim for a solution.

Do you know what the key is to all of this?

This all starts with yourself.

We truly are our own worst enemies. The first person you’ve got to stop blaming is yourself. While we don’t do it publicly we do it secretly in the depths of our mind.

We hold that blame in like cancer.

Join me and stop blaming yourself and start focusing on the solution.

If I’m wrong, hey you are free to go back to blaming yourself anytime you choose.

I’ve never experienced a better time in my life to use this quote:

Be the change you want to see in the world Mahatma Gandhi

For more insights into team management check out my article 5 Reasons Why Your Team Will Fail to Execute Tasks

2 Replies to “WHAT DO WE VALUE MORE – Blaming Others or Finding a Solution?”

  1. That Ubuntu philosophy is interesting Scott. Reminds me of that Irish proverb “ar scath a chéile a mhaireann an daoine” (hope I’ve got that right) that people rely on each other.

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